birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
