I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
