Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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