we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wish you could order shots online.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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