the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
