He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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