That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize