Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
