I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
