I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
