woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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