That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize