I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
