She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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