So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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