ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
