O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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