life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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