so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
