no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
