i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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