I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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