I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
