She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
