So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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