dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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