i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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