Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
