I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
