bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Two words: blizzard sex
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
