My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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