you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
