I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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