Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
