Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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