There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
