you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
