there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
