Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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