Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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