All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
