If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
