My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just high enough for therapy.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
