I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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