If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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