Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
there is puke in my bra ... again
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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