can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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