I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
