so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
