First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
