Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
