The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
