this boner is exhausting
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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