Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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