My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
