My cat gives me a boner
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
