hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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