i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
