Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize