its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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