hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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