I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
there is glitter all over my balls
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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