I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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