i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize