zippers are such a cool invention
Come see our sink grown plant.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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