I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
