was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
