You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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