I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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