I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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