i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
