Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
