I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
