It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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