I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
