we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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