I can tuck mytits in my pants
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
