Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
