Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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