I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
