Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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